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Chuck Norris

Chuck NorrisChuck Norris.  The man, the legend.  For those of you who don’t know, Chuck Norris is an actor who has starred in several action films, and the well known TV series, Walker, Texas Ranger.

Here are some awesome but true facts about Chuck Norris.  If you know any good ones that I haven’t got here, send me a message and I might add them.

1) Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house.

2) If you had 5 dollars and Chuck Norris had 5 dollars Chuck Norris would have more money than you.

3) Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

4) Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.

5) Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

6) Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.

7) A watched kettle never boils… unless Chuck Norris is doing the watching, in which case it explodes.

8 ) Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

9) Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

10) Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

11) Chuck Norris runs Windows Vista on his Etch-a-Sketch.

12) Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

13) Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

14) Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by “knit”, I mean “kick”, and by “sweaters”, I mean “babies”.

15) Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.

16) Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

17) When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald’s because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy’s.

18) When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

19) Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card.

20) Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

21) Chuck Norris built the cabin he was born in with his bare hands.

22) If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

23) Chuck Norris invented the caesarian c-section when he roundhouse kicked his way out of his mother’s womb.

24) Chuck Norris’ tears can cure cancer. Too bad he’s never cried.

25) Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

26) Chuck Norris can speak Japanese… in French.

27) Chuck Norris can believe it’s not butter.

28) Chuck Norris has the greatest poker face of all-time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of jail free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green No.4 Uno card.

29) Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the J.F.K. assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. J.F.K.’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.

30) Chuck Norris finished Mario Bros without jumping

3 Comments »

  • Anthony LEIBOLD said:

    Chuck Norris finished Mario Bros without jumping

  • Beth Rudkin (author) said:

    Ouesh! That’s a good one, I’m definitely adding that.

  • James said:

    Chuck Norris can make wood out of sawdust… then he makes cabins.

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